App your flat for a Feng Shui first date

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On-demand cleaning service studies your date on Facebook then sorts out your apartment to suit their social media personality

By Jamie Thomson

Enlisting the services of a crack team of cleaners to render your unit spotless before a big date would tempt even the most slovenly of apartment dwellers. But allowing them to utilise both  the ancient art of Feng Shui and the modern obsession with social media, to ensure that your home is as appealing as possible to your prospective partner? Really?

Sounds a little far-fetched, but unbelievably, yes, there’s an app for that.

American on-demand cleaning service Handy are offering first-date Feng Shui consultations to users in the New York area (where else?) to “optimise the chances of romantic compatibility and the avoidance of knee-jerk, passion-killing condemnation and judgment”. And how do these furniture-shunting experts know what will appeal to your date? By analysing their social media presence.

Yes, Handy’s Feng Shui division will stalk them on Facebook, in a service that doesn’t seem remotely weird or creepy. Then, before the big night, Handy’s cleaners swoop in, render your apartment spotless and perfectly harmonised to an image profile they’ve presumably gleaned from dozens of pictures of random people drinking in various dimly-lit locations.

Carol Olmstead, Handy’s Feng Shui tsar and author of several books on the subject, will offer advice on what furniture, books, photographs and art should be hidden or displayed – with most stuff being hidden, it would seem.

“In Feng Shui, clutter represents postponed decisions and the inability to move forward,” she says. “That means when you have too much stuff in your home, there’s no room for a new relationship to find you. I’m offering this service to help people rearrange their space, shift the energy, and take the first step to make the best first impression.”

However, if you need an app – and subsequent human intervention – to tell you that leaving your dirty underwear lying all over the house might not make a great first impression, we at Title reckon your problems might lie a little deeper than the lack of wind-water balance in your life.

Also, if you’ ve got your  date back to your pad on the first outing, are your chances of romantic success not fairly high anyway?

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